Have you ever had one of those moments? The kind that make your heart, mind and soul all scream out at the same time. Like the universe is telling you, “please hit the pause button and enjoy this.” I had one of those moments over the weekend and it came to me at a perfect time.
I have been very hard on myself lately. I have been on a journey of personal development and have made some major progress lately and should be proud of myself. Instead I beat myself up for a slip up, I let the stress of my job eat at me and instead of being able to see the self awareness as an opportunity for accountability and change;
I have taken the easier route of self pity and ridicule.
Then, out of nowhere on Saturday, I woke up early to get some work done while my family was still asleep. I told myself once everyone was up, that was it, I would not work on family time. The kids woke up and we all went downstairs. I brewed the perfect pot of coffee and sat down to have breakfast with the kids. Giorgio asked me to spell “funny animal videos” for him on youtube which I did. Usually I will put on what he asks for as long as it is appropriate and then go about my business which that morning consisted of preparing pork to go in the crock pot for tacos later and getting various things prepared for lunches for the upcoming week. Instead, I remembered my promise to be present and I sat down at the counter with Gio and we watched silly animal videos. Our laughter caught Auggies attention and he then pulled up a chair next to us. He immediately started shouting out animal names and joined in on the laughter. This was it, it hit me. This is the kind of stuff my kids are going to remember.
I was having flashbacks of my own childhood. Waking up early to the smell of my dad cooking bacon. Lounging around in our pajamas watching Saturday morning TV. It wasn’t so much what we were doing that ingrained itself into my memory after all these years, it was the togetherness, the joy, the love. Those feelings and memories are so incredibly special to me and help me carry my fathers memory with me to this day after his death.
I realized I need to take my own advice. I spend so much time advocating and telling others to be nice…what about me, I need to practice what I preach and be nice to me. So that’s what I did. I basked in that moment smiling so big that my face hurt. I took in the sunshine coming through the windows, the music playing in the house, the sound of the kids feet as stomping on the floor as we danced. I am once again so grateful for my children and the lessons that they continue to teach me every day. I hope that I am giving them the same and that they look back on these moments and know how much they make my heart smile.